Monday, December 21, 2009

And Smile..

I'm sitting alone at dinnertime, looking at my half blinking Christmas tree. Half frustrated that it can't decide if it is supposed to blink or not. And half happy to see it in my new home, high on it's pedestal to make it look taller. The cat is me-owing, constantly pacing. The house is quiet.  I am reflecting on my day.

A visit with my sister for her thirty six week check up. Perfect. Textbook. A nice afternoon ride with my middle sister. Something we both hoped for for years and finally enjoy. I'm anticipating the arrival of my grandparents. They will be home tonight after driving eleven hundred miles to and from their vacation to visit my great grandmother for her ninetieth birthday. Hoping that at nearly seventy years old - I'll be doing the same. I miss them terribly when they go out of town.

I thought back on the births of my little girls after hearing the heart beat of my upcoming  niece. I wonder if they will ever know the love that I carry in my heart for them. Our Christmas tree shelters the gifts we bought. Everything we had, we gave solely to them this year. And I wonder when they have children- will they look back fondly on the Christmases we share now. Will they come back year after year for more.

A time will come that the traditions I hold so dear will change. That will be more difficult than anything I can think of. So tonight as I reflect on the past and hold dearly to the present- I want to etch in my mind these moments.So that while driving eleven hundred miles at the age of seventy and celebrating my ninetieth birthday, I will relive them. And smile.


Donna said...

Yes, change! It does come, Your sweet little girls grow to be wonderful young women. They haves lives of their own and families. And you begin to wonder, Do they ever miss you? The special times you had? What is even worse do they think they had special times with you or was it all a horried nightmare they thought they would never wake up from? You can't go back and live those days over. They are all grown up now. Oh, but how you pray they have some wonderful memories. Sometimes other people will take your place in their lives and it hurts so bad. But, what can you do? Just pray that before you leave here, they will know in their hearts this fact. You have always loved them with all your heart. You may not have known how to show them but you did the best you could.And your love could not have been stronger for the little ones God has blessed you with.

Rachel said...

What a beautiful post. Good thoughts - but scary. I don't want change to happen either.